'Kramer vs. Kramer'

Emotional breakthroughs!  Brutal custody battles!  Challenging the patriarchal roles of 1970s America!  Now you can pay twenty dollars to wear dirty, pre-used ill-fitting glasses and have one of the most intimate family dramas in film history blasted at your face.  It will feel as if you can reach out and help Ted Kramer make french toast.  Allow modern Hollywood to "update" the touching story of a man who learns to build a home with his son, and you'll be given an illogical assault on the senses.  

- E.L.