Far be it from us to look down on anyone who is really excited for 'The Three Musketeers 3D,' but -- judging from the trailer -- it appears safe to assume that this is one of those "turn your brain off" movies. To wit: underwater assassins, hand-cranked fire cannons and explosions, explosions, explosions! It's been a few years since we've read Alexandre Dumas' swashbuckling adventure, but we're pretty sure it didn't feature roof-top sword-fu. What really makes this new version of 'The Three Musketeers' so laughable, though, is the fact that we've all seen this shameless smorgasbord of illogical and inaccurate action movie cliches before -- when it was a hilarious joke on 'The Simpsons' over ten years ago.
The episode in question is 'E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)' from season 11 in 1999. There isn't much reference to Zorro, Muskteers, or ninjas beyond this opening gag, but it seems to boil down the ludicrousness of Paul W.S. Anderson's French 3D fight buffet into a tight 90 seconds. If it turns out that Orlando Bloom has a rap somewhere in the movie, then the 'Simpsons' writers might have a case for a plagiarism lawsuit.
[Photo: Summit Entertainment/Fox]
There are 31 reasons that October may be Rocktober at the box office. Here they are.
- Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots
- George Clooney gives Ryan Gosling his Michael Clayton moment with 'Ides of March'
- We'll finally know what it means for the Human Centipede to go "full sequence"
- What would have happened if Butch Cassidy survived? Find out when Sam Shepard kicks ass as a grown up Cassidy in 'Blackthorn'
- President Bartlett on the Big Screen
- Harvey Weinstein Gets 'Dirty'
- Yet another Jessica Chastain performance
- It's been 25 years since Peggy Sue attended her 25-year high school reunion and then travled back in time to high school in 'Peg
- 'The Big Year' could be your new 'City Slickers'
- Opportunity to complain loudly about your newly discovered undying love for the original 'Footloose'/'The Thing'
- You get to sneak Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkins into your screening of 'The Thing'
- Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman made a home invasion thriller with Joel Schumacher
- There's a new Pedro Almodovar movie coming out!
- The 'Catfish' directors' eerie, "bloody Mary" infused-take on 'Paranormal Activity 3'
- You can load up on Sam Adams Octoberfest and attend a screening of 'The Three Musketeers'
- The now-annual chance to get scared by a VHS tape
- PTA made a 'Three Musketeers' Movie
- After three full years of avoiding the subject, you'll finally be able to speak semi-intelligently about the financial crisis
- Your first look at 2011 It-Girl -- and possible Best Actress nominee -- Elizabeth Olsen
- Chance to decide once and for all if Kevin Smith has talent
- Remind yourself heavyweight boxing still exists with the Klitschko brothers documentary called, er, 'Klitschko'
- Regret not taking Puppeteer 101 in college with the Sesame Street documentary, 'Being Elmo'
- Arguing the question "Who wrote Shakespeare's plays?" has never been so much fun
- To find out if the trailer for 'The Double' really did spoil the entire movie
- Justin Timberlake's tries to go all action star on us in 'In Time'
- Another chance to watch Johnny Depp embody Hunter S. Thompson
- Your first look at 2011's other It-Girl -- and possibly Best Actress nominee -- Felicity Jones
- See what the rest of the world already loves
- A boatload of horror movie revival screenings across the country
- Dude, Hershey's Air Delight!
- It's the movies!
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