Sondra Lowell has made two insufferable movies that even she can't endure, and yet by some standards she might be the most successful filmmaker to have ever lived. Lowell's films 'WebcamMurder.com' and 'Sublime Crime: A Subliminal Mystery' are (ingeniously titled) features explicitly designed to put her audiences to sleep, and the critics agree that her work achieves its goals with a consistency seldom seen in the careers of even the most celebrated auteurs (the Los Angeles Times described 'WebcamMurder.com' as "The most boring talkie ever made"). With just two films to her name, Lowell is not only the progenitor of the "film sleepy" genre (a term she coined to describe her work), but also its greatest artistic force.

As Alexander Fleming once happened upon Penicillin, so too did Sondra Lowell stumble upon her earth-shaking gift as if by divine providence. An exceptionally enigmatic character, all we know of her is what can be gleaned from this Aol News profile. A student at UCLA, Lowell was earnestly trying to craft film narratives in the only way she knew how, but found herself mocked by her teachers and fellow students alike.


But did 'Rudy' quit when they told him he was too small? No! Did 'Slumdog Millionaire' abandon his dreams of love after he was told that he would always be a simple chai wallah? No! Did Thomas Jane abandon all hope simply because an impenetrable 'Mist' seeped in from another dimension, shrouding ridiculously terrifying monsters that threatened to eradicate all of humanity? ...Okay, bad example, but the point is that Sandra Lowell refused to be defeated by the constant derision her scripts elicited from her peers, and decided instead to shape from their jeers a cinematic experience the likes of which the world had never known.



"People would tell me that I didn't understand how to make a story and told me the scenes should build on each other," Lowell says, referring to the classmates who were unable to recognize the trailblazer in their midsts. "I thought I was doing that, but people fell asleep. It took me awhile to realize I was on to something." And on to something she was. Where the likes of Andy Warhol (too important), Bela Tarr (too hypnotic), and Jim Jarmusch (too gloriously coifed) had failed, Lowell was destined to succeed, making films so slow and inane that the human brain had no choice but to retreat into unconsciousness. Lowell discovered that she had a gift, and for $9.99 she'll share that gift with you forever.

A cinematic pioneer, Lowell suggests that 'Sublime Crime' is the first entirely subliminal mystery, and the footage available on YouTube gives us no reason to doubt her claim. Lowell describes the thriller as "Mostly a blank screen with flashes of plot and personal growth affirmations, accompanied by an unintelligible binaural soundtrack," and -- with a hubris that would make Lars von Trier blush -- adds that the film is "A big step forward in movies worth sleeping through." Despite her apparent confidence, however, Lowell is actually oblivious as to the true power of her work. "I've showed these films to large audiences hoping to see if everyone falls asleep," she explained, "But I fall asleep myself and can't tell if anyone did."



On the other hand, Lowell is well aware of the financial genius of her production model. According to AOL News, 'Sublime Crime' cost precisely $103 to make -- $3 for the DVD, and $100 to pay herself in accordance with the rules of the Screen Actors Guild. Selling the movie with a flair for publicity that takes CAA years to cultivate in its grunts, Lowell describes 'Sublime Crime' as: "Just a blank screen, some dialogue you can't understand and an occasional on-screen affirmation like 'I love this movie' or 'I'm going to buy copies for all my friends.'"

Sure, the whole thing seems like a bit of gentle satire, but even if "film sleepy" is unearthed as a joke, Lowell's films still achieve their purported purpose with impressive aplomb. These sleep-aids seem as precisely engineered as a Tempur-pedic pillow -- download them now before they're post-converted into 3D and rebranded as weaponized tranquilizers.