I thought the idea for this week's column would be relatively simple -- find holiday themed comic books, and argue as to why they should be made into movies. However, nothing is that easy, and I was hard pressed to come up with any that weren't saccharine or stupid. I even posed the question at my local comic shop, and we were all stumped. "The problem is," said one of our regulars, "they all have some kind of message, and that's stupid." So true, so true.

In the subsequent hours, I've managed to dig up a few that weren't too syrupy, and I present them as a gift to Hollywood. As the Marvel and DC Studios continue their tireless march toward our movie screens, I'm really thinking they need to get away from the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza! and move into some seasonal fare, if only to give us some breathing room mentally and financially. I refuse to believe that a Christmas-themed story limits year round appeal -- if Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and Edward Scissorhands are enjoyable beyond December, why not some of our Marvel and DC friends? So roast some chestnuts, grab some eggnog, and drool over the thought of these pages on the big screen. It's a thin column by necessity, but I loaded it up with a few classy images, and I hope you consider it my Christmas card to you. I hope by the end, you can offer up your own holiday suggestions, or at least violently disagree with me as to whether our superhero movies should ever introduce snow, twinkle lights, and reindeer.


My favorite big-screen candidate is one I've mentioned before -- X-Men #205. It's the first appearance of Wolverine's hideous nemesis, Lady Deathstrike, who manages to capture and torture him. In the old days, this would have launched an enormous crossover, but we're never told what happens, except that he's been reduced to a mindless, bestial state at the most festive time of the year. Plenty of wiggle room for a two-hour movie and one heck of an introduction as Wolverine runs semi-naked through the streets. (Beware, Christmas shoppers!) Luckily, he's rescued by little Katie of the Power Pack (the movie can just replace her with a mutant kid, or Kitty Pryde) and he regains his memory in order to eviscerate all the bad guys. Despite all the blood, guts, and pleas for mercy, it's all heartwarming at the end:




If Wolverine isn't your cup of eggnog for Christmas, there's always Superman: Peace on Earth. This was universally decided at our roundtable as the only Christmas story worth reading ... because it wasn't really a holiday story. Superman encounters a starving runaway, and decides to end world hunger once and for all. But he discovers that there are some things a superhero can't do ... and even things he shouldn't. It's a bit slender for a movie, but the themes could certainly be expanded without being preachy. And hey, if they're really looking for a "real world" take on Superman, this might not be a bad place to start.




For the Batman fanatics, there's The Long Halloween, already a book that's making its mark on the Nolanverse. Many of the plot threads have already been used in The Dark Knight, but it would only take a little tweaking to bring in Holiday, a serial killer who claims a new victim each month. It's the kind of real world villain Bale's Batman can chase behind, and setting the entire film at Christmas would set a gloomy, desperate mood for our hero on the run. Plus, who doesn't want to see a real Gotham City buried in snow, as opposed to the outlandish design of Tim Burton?



And at last, there's the Punisher, who rivals Wolverine for holiday one-shots. (That says something about what people enjoy reading at Christmas, doesn't it?) If you need a final reason to give War Zone a sequel, it's to unleash some holiday carnage. I could go for some Frank Castle every December, especially if the movie follows The Punisher X-Mas Special . In a charming little story called The List, Castle pulls a Bud White, and sits at home compiling a Naughty list of minor thugs he could gun down without much collateral damage. The holidays make that sort of thing tricky, so Castle sets his sights on punishing one thug named Johnny Nouveau, who has recently shot a young boy ... exactly the kind of crime that really burns our antihero. From there on, it's pretty sick and disturbing, the kind of thing that actually might make War Zone look tame. Perfect for December viewing, no?



It might take more than Santa Claus to get any of these onto the big screen, since many holiday stories like Peace on Earth are thin, Lady Deathstrike is a CG nightmare, Batman is worn out by rumors, and the Punisher needs more box office. So, let's embrace the spirit of the holidays and give thanks for what holiday mayhem we do have: The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special. Peace on earth it isn't, but geekdom might unite in a reboot of that particular treasure, no?

Happy Holidays, everyone. Don't indulge too much, I want to see you back next week!