Lame because: Director Brett Ratner came to Hollywood to get laid, stayed to get laid ... and in between decided to make a crappy movie or five. This year, however, he took his slimy, perverted game to a new low by pimping himself out on eBay. The winner (well, in this case, loser) got the chance to have dinner in Beverly Hills with a guy who probably has about as much depth as a kiddie pool. When that didn't help him get his rocks off, he said screw it and decided to make a biopic on Playboy's Hugh Hefner. Finally, his dream has come true: He'll be able to get laid and make a movie about getting laid at the same time!

How to turn it around: Become celibate, go back to film school and learn how to make a good movie. It's great that your "star" status gets you a night in the sack with a boob job looking for work as an extra, but that still doesn't hide the fact that we have to churn out 10 bucks to watch the mess unravel on screen. Who's really getting f**ked, Brett?
Next up: It's a joke ... but not a funny one!