Lame Because: She is Paris Hilton. What more has to be said? She's one of the most (rightly) hated figures in pop culture today. Men hate her and women hate her. Young people hate her and old people hate her. Her (ex) talent agency hates her. And yet, we can't turn away when she embarrasses herself, (briefly) goes to prison, or blows some dude in night vision. Paris Hilton is the purest example of what, exactly, is wrong with American society today. What has Paris taught us? Be a terrible human being, and you will be rewarded -- with movie roles that could have gone to talented actresses, with record deals that could have gone to talented musicians, with book deals that could have gone to talented writers, with television shows that could have had plots or reasons to exist, with biopics that could have gone to historical figures who made the world a better place.

How to turn it around: Leave. Leaving the public eye is not enough. Leave the galaxy. And take all your "hot," rich, spoiled, vapid, snobby, posing, pathetic, alcoholic, drugged up, coked out, heartless, brainless, talentless sex tape friends with you. You're ruining our culture. Let us get back to more important matters. Like what Britney Spears' kid ate for breakfast this morning.

Next up: Put on some pants!