When my Cinematical editors asked me if I'd assume responsibility for our weekly gossip column, I was a little worried. I admit that I am not as familiar with the world of celebrity goings-on as I ought to be: I don't have cable so I can't watch red-carpet galas, blind items confuse me, I mix up all the little blonde actresses, and the merest glimpse of Paris Hilton gives me a rash. But I'm willing to learn, so bear with me while I dive into the world of celebrity gossip and relate the week's prime pearls of news.
- I'll start with celebrities I enjoy watching in movies and can recognize easily: George Clooney and Ellen Barkin. They're filming Ocean's Thirteen right now -- I'm so pleased Barkin's in the film, as I haven't seen her since Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas -- and are being linked as a romantic item. Barkin's a bit older than Clooney, so it's a pleasant change from the usual news about celebrity men dating much younger women. (Sympathy to my sister, who still believes some day Clooney will turn up in Covington, LA and claim her as his soulmate.)
- I keep forgetting that Jon Voight is Angelina Jolie's dad, and I had no idea their relationship was strained if not actually broken. Apparently Voight wants to mend fences, but he keeps forgetting his granddaughter's name. See, this is where it's an advantage to invent silly pet names for kids: if you can't pronounce "Zahara," calling her "my little pumpkin" or even the time-tested "Princess" will keep you out of trouble.
- Oscar-winning actress Hilary Swank has been posing for Calvin Klein ads in her spare time, and she looks as though she took eyeliner hints from Nancy Sinatra. Still, this is a great chance to catch a sneak preview of the upcoming CK lingerie line. That's why you're looking, right?
- Equal-opportunity underwear photos: Celeb/politics blogger The Corsair reminded us of long-ago days when the star of Invincible was posing for underwear ads. This has nothing to do with this week's top gossip; I just wanted to share a photo of the young and cute Marky Mark. Next week maybe I can find something with that nice Johnny Depp.
- Speaking of nice-looking young men in photos, The Smoking Gun has posted a photo of Sixth Sense actor Haley Joel Osment's recent mugshot along with his vital statistics. Looking at the stats, I realized I can leg-press Osment's weight at the gym. Now every time I use that leg-press machine, I'll be thinking of the poor boy. (Hey, I think Osment and I drive the same type of car, too. Viva la Saturn!) [via Defamer]
- Obligatory Cruise Family Post: Now I do know who Suri Cruise is. I think even cloistered nuns know who Suri is by now, although no one's seen the child. Apparently someone has bronzed baby Suri Cruise's first poop. It's being exhibited as art, and also as evidence that Le Tot actually exists. You know, y'all can (and do) pick on Texans for being quaint or tacky, but I would like to remind you that at least we do not bronze baby poop. [via E! Online]