Those wonderful horror freaks over at BloodyDisgusting had a brief sit-down with screenwriter Steven Katz, and the scribe had this to say about the alleged remake of Dario Argento's Suspiria: "(It) probably will not happen at this point." Ah, but the reasons WHY are what's so entertaining: "Katz informed [BloodyDisgusting] that the biggest challenge in writing the script was finding a reason for the witches to be using a dance academy for their evil-doings."

Although I'm far from the most ravenous giallo fan under the sun, I do appreciate why most everyone digs the Argento so much. Remaking Suspiria is like you trying to replicate a dream I had last night - and you want the dream to have a cohesive plot structure and clearly delivered volleys of teen-friendly exposition. Plus, cash-grab remakes generally rely on memorable characters and recognizable plot points, and Suspiria doesn't really fit into that formula. It's just too weird to be remade. The Twitch blog sums up the issue with a stinger: "Imagine being in the script meetings for (this) remake and suddenly trying to pull the very individual vision into your perceived 'real world' or 'modern business-like approach to movies' that have a primary intent to make large amounts of cash, potentially in pursuit of bastardizing culture from other countries." Zing!

Either way, it's a remake that nobody wanted to see. Slapping together a remake of The Fog is, obviously, not all that difficult to do. But Suspiria? C'mon, that's just silly.