You've finished scraping that last bit of giblet gravy off your plate with your tongue on Thanksgiving Day, and if you watch another football game, you're going to go ballistic. What to watch while you're eating your pumpkin pie? Why, a turkey of a movie, of course – because nothing says "thankful" like watching one of these films and thanking your lucky stars you were not involved in the making of any one of them. Here are our humble suggestions for turkeys to watch on Thanksgiving Day.
- Howard the Duck - Okay, it's about a duck, not a turkey, but Howard the Duck has to rank up there on any list of really bad films. Secret confession: my husband, brilliant though he is now, actually watched this film religiously in his youth. Which actually explains quite a lot...
- The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D - This film took bad to a whole new level. Bad writing, bad acting, cheesy effects, and a rip-off of Candyland. Bad, bad, bad movie, easily one of the worst I've seen all year. Memo to Robert Rodriguez: when the six-year-olds watching your film in the theater are begging their mommies to take them home NOW? You've made a real turkey of a film. Please, for the sake of children everywhere, do not make a sequel to this film.
- Pinocchio - Who expected Roberto Benigni's follow-up to the Academy Award winning Life is Beautiful to be...Pinnochio? Not me. And who expected, after seeing the trailer for the film, that it was going to actually be good? Ditto.
- From Justin to Kelly - A romantic comedy starring the first season American Idol winner and runner-up. Destined to be bad, but nobody knew just how bad. When they showed the trailer for this film on an episode of American Idol, I think I saw a tear in Simon Cowell's eye. And if it can make Simon cry, it must be very, very, bad.
- Glitter - "Hey, I have a great idea! Let's make a movie starring Mariah Carey!" Right, because movies starring pop stars are usually so great. Sure, we could've picked Crossroads (Britney Spears) or Undiscovered (Ashlee Simpson) for this slot, but Mariah's film came before both, and paved the way for pop stars everywhere to make their own bad films. Thanks, Mariah.
- Dukes of Hazzard - Looking for a recent film to bring home from your video store for Thanksgiving night? This southern-fried turkey should fit the bill quite nicely. When the best things going for a movie are the car and Jessica Simpson's butt in short-shorts, you know you're in trouble.
- Freddy Got Fingered - This movie has a terrible title. And it stars Tom Green. And on top of that? It sucks giblets. It's the Turkey Trifecta!
There you have it, folks. Your Cinematical Seven list of turkeys to watch on Thanksgiving. What really, atrociously bad films did we leave off the list? What are your favorite bad movies?