Russell CroweSo, say your Aunt Kathy is throwing a big blowout party for the holidays, and she needs a really cool band to spice things up a little bit. (You know, sort of like an older version of My Super Sweet Sixteen.) Sadly, all the cool bands are booked solid for all of December, and Aunt Kathy is at her wit's end. This is where you jump in and save the day: for the low, low price of just $900,000, you can hire Russell Crowe and his band - 30 Odd Foot of Grunts - to play the party! Kathy'll lose her mind at the awesomeness!

Now, granted, you'll also need to pay for his accommodations (Five stars are required, sadly, so you can't put him up on your couch. Unless you live in The Ritz) and air travel, but what's a million dollars when you've got the Oscar-winning, grumpy bastard playing grumpy rock music in your Aunt's very own home? After all, the holidays are a time for giving.