Tom Cruise's lawyer says his client is furious about the fake press release that claimed he was planning to give a series of lectures, with titles like "Handling Sexual DisOrientation", at the Scientology Celebrity Centre in LA. "It's totally phony," says Bert Fields. "Tom is not giving any lectures." Calling the prank "forgery, wire fraud and, apparently, committed on an interstate basis", Fields vowed to hunt down the nefarious criminals behind the press release and bring them to justice. He went on to essentially tsk-tsk those of us who bought the press release – though we thought it was just weird enough so that it was probably real, apparently we should have realised that it was obviously fake. "You know, 'Out of the Closet and into the Auditing Room' is not something Tom is going to put as the name of a lecture." Well, now we know for future reference...