sizemoreYou already heard about Marky Mark's rubber wang; now it's Tom Sizemore's turn. (Fake penis. "Sizemore." Too...many...jokes.) While Marky only strapped on because the script said he had to, Tom wore his by choice. You see, he had a drug test to fail take, and the only way he could produce clean pee (someone, apparently, watches this whole thing) was to steal/buy someone else's, put it in a fake dong, and then release the stuff into a jar. While reports are disappointingly free of details about how the deception was discovered (personally, I like to imagine a giant splash!, and the falsie ending up in the jar while Sizemore gives the officer of the court a "Who, me?" look.), the fact is that it was, and that Sizemore stayed in rehab.

The last couple of months have been fake dong-free for Tom, which is good, but he still doesn't get to go home. The most recent step is that a judge is allowing him to "leave for occasional work assignments" over the next month while he continues to reside in the rehab facility. If that goes well, he might get to go home (instead of prison, which is where he's headed if he screws up again). A little tip, Tom, on making sure this works out:  even though you might say "Man, I'm doing meth like it's my job!", that is NOT what the judge has in mind.