IGN is doing a series of articles titled 10 DVDs You Must Own. Their approach is clever, as each column will focus on different criteria. In their first installment, they pick ten sports movies, to which I replied "Screw you, IGN! I don't like sports!" That's when I got the ingenious idea to come up with my own list of Essential Sports Films For People Who Don't Like Sports. I rubbed my hands in evil glee, and, six hours later I was still rubbing my hands because I couldn't think of any. I mean, I could think of some, but none I had seen personally. So, what follows are a few of what I feel are essential DVDs, separated by very specific, highly-scientific criteria. And yes, you should come up with some of your own and post them in the comments. That's what makes this fun. Onward:

Essential DVDs Where Mice Cry A Lot:

An American Tail

The Secret of Nimh

Essential DVDs In Which Small Things That Would Normally Be Easily Defeated Somehow Overtake Grown Adults

Gremlins

Critters

Child's Play

Essential DVDs That Sound Like Porn Films But Aren't

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

The Big Red One

Deep Impact

A Hard Day's Night